Can we ever fully understand other people, and can others ever truly get us? It’s a question I’ve been thinking about lately.
You see, people like to tell me their “problems.” Often these problems involve other people (i.e. a spouse, a friend, a boss, a co-worker, a mother-in-law, a sibling or parent, etc.). I regularly hear people say things like, “He shouldn’t have done that,” or “She should’ve just known it was important to me,” and “He shouldn’t feel that way because my intentions were good.” It’s dawned on me recently that maybe it’s not possible to understand others 100% because I am me, and you are you, and she is who she is, and so on.
The funny thing is, despite the fact I am not you, and you are not me, a lot of us walk around expecting everyone in our lives to feel the same way we do. It’s as if people think, Well, my feelings make sense to me, so you should just understand where I’m coming from always, and agree. If people in our lives don’t understand why we may be upset about something, then often there is the desire to get the other person to understand. Have I lost you?
A lot of us spend a whole bunch of time trying to control what others think of us without even realizing it. We want to be heard. We want to be understood. We want others to understand where we are coming from when we are perturbed. We want people to commiserate. On the flip side, we defend our actions and explain ourselves when people are upset with us.
My guess is at some time or another, you have heard or said, “Let’s agree to disagree.” When we love each other, sometimes that’s all we can do because no matter how hard we try, at times it’s impossible to feel anything other than what we feel. We all have thoughts about circumstances in our lives, and everyone experiences things differently. This is why people often say there are three sides to every story (my story, your story, and the truth).
We are all sensitive about different things. We all interpret things differently. We have different opinions, and histories that mold us. It actually doesn’t any make sense for me to assume you should just understand why I would be upset about something, if that same thing wouldn’t phase you. Because I am me, and you are you, I can’t always feel what you feel and vice versa. That’s ok. It’s a tough thing to swallow because relationships would be so much easier if we all just agreed, and had the same feelings about everything. Life just doesn’t work that way though, so if relationships are important to you, then we must accept the fact that we all experience the world differently. No one is right, and no one is wrong in the way they feel.
If we let it, it can feel awful when we feel misunderstood and think someone did us wrong. It also hurts when our own intentions were good, yet someone we love feels slighted. I think a good rule of thumb is knowing those who love us wouldn’t want to hurt us but can’t always read our minds. They are doing the best they can, just as you are. Also, it’s ok to apologize for something without an elaborate explanation if someone we love needs that. It’s all about having a mutual respect for those we care for most.
Can you let it go if a friend didn’t follow the exact rules you had for her in your head? Can you forgive your partner for not always knowing what you need? Can you say you’re sorry even if you don’t fully understand why your sister is feeling hurt?
I’m not suggesting you become a total pushover, and just accept it if your boundaries aren’t respected. I also don’t suggest just pretending nothing happened if you are feeling bothered. If a misunderstanding occurs with someone you love deeply though, it’s ok to not end up on the same page. We are all entitled to feel the way we feel, even if someone else doesn’t get it. You may never see eye to eye, but if your relationship is important enough, that should be the focus. If the love is there, and there is a mutual respect and trust, it can be all you need move on!
That’s it; that’s all I got for ya!
Happy Day!
P.S.-If you’re struggling seeing eye to eye with someone you love, send me a note…maybe I can help ya see things from a different point of view!
