In order to change, you have to make changes. Seems like common sense, right? Well, you know what they say about common sense…it’s not so common.
Most people out there (if they are somewhat self-aware) would like to make some changes in their lives. This is not something to feel bad about. In fact, I personally believe you can be proud. It simply means you recognize a behavior or lifestyle choice that you could do without.
The interesting caveat to wanting to change, is that most people don’t actually want to change. Huh? Of course if you say you want to lose ten pounds, in your mind you really do. And, if I asked you if you wanted to lose ten pounds, my guess is you’d say yes too. The real question is, do you want to do what it takes to lose those ten pounds?
This is where most people wish for a magic pill or a genie in a bottle, but I’m sorry AND psyched to say, it’s all you baby! You want more intimacy in your relationship? You gotta create it. You want to get healthier? You gotta start eating better and exercising more. You want a more satisfying career or make more money? You gotta go find a new job. You want to fall in love and be in a stable relationship? You gotta only date emotionally available people. Sorry, but just thinking about wanting to change won’t work.
The tricky part is our habits can often get in the way. Those habits, that in a way, make us feel safe and cozy, can also be self-sabotaging or self-destructive. We know intellectually we want to change, but actually changing can feel scary for many. It’s often a matter of stepping out of our comfort zones, which is terrifying to most folks.
What’s the worst that can happen though really? I don’t know about you, but I sure would rather try something, and “fail,” than stay stagnant and feel unsatisfied my whole life. Or maybe, you’ll put in some effort, and evolve in a way you could have never imagined. The possibilities are endless, which can be exciting if you choose to view it that way. When you change your thoughts about the task at hand, it becomes much easier to take action.
When we think thoughts like, It’s too hard, It’s annoying, and I don’t wanna, we end up right where we started. When we think thoughts like, I can do this, Maybe I’ll feel better, and This is exciting, making changes becomes much easier.
This week, a client told me she’s had a bunch of aha moments recently but still keeps doing the same things. Then she said maybe she’s “getting kinda better,” and she just needs to align her actions with her realizations. Something we should all realize, is that change doesn’t happen overnight.
Most habits have been with us for a long time, or maybe even our entire lives. With behaviors that are so ingrained in us, we need to give ourselves a hot second to create new ones. I’m almost certain I’ve never met anyone who decided one day they wanted to change, and then did and never looked back. Humans just aren’t wired that way.
I often suggest taking baby steps to get to our ultimate goals. Unfortunately, it’s human nature to want things, and to want them now, but life doesn’t work that way most of the time. I read about a study that said it takes 18 to 254 days for people to form a new habit. This is great news because you have time to get it right, and if change doesn’t occur overnight, there’s no need to get down on yourself. Also, “messing up” every now and then during that timeframe doesn’t mean you have to start over at day one. It just means changing is a process.
It is possible to make whatever changes you are working on, or even just thinking about. You just have to make the decision to want to want to change, and I don’t just mean in theory. Put your fears aside, because really, what is so scary anyway? It takes effort, but when we reap the benefits of our changes, it’s all worth it. Hey, and you can even free your mind up from thinking about wanting to change, so you can focus on more interesting stuff!
That’s it; that’s all I got for ya!
Happy day lovely people!
P.S.-I recently finished an awesome book called, The Surrender Experiment, and just started, The Untethered Soul, by the same author, Michael A. Singer. I highly recommend both if you’re in the mood to be inspired!
