I don’t know about you, but when it comes to making decisions, I’m often a bit of a disaster. I’m amazed and in awe when I witness my hubby making decisions with what appears to be, no effort at all.
I coach a woman regularly who struggles with this as well, which is so perfect because it forces me to take a look at myself. From an outsider’s point of view, it seems so easy. I often want to reach through the phone, and shake her, and scream, “Just make a decision!!” I am trying to take this advice myself these days because the decisions that in the moment feel life altering and paralyzing at times, don’t really have to be such a big deal.
Most of us have been taught to weigh the pros and cons, but in doing so, we are completely in our heads, rather than listening to our guts. Intuitively we all have an inner knowing, but a lot of us question that voice in our hearts. We think about how our decisions may affect others, and we create guilt, we think about what we ‘should’ do, what everyone else is doing, and how if we don’t make the ‘right’ decision, our lives will forever be ruined.
FOMO, if you’re not familiar with the term, means Fear Of Missing Out. This is often the main culprit behind difficulty making decisions. It’s a tricky little bugger because on the surface it looks like people are just trying to make the best decision for themselves. The reality though, is a back and forth in our heads with a heavy focus on what we will be missing out on, rather than being able to fully enjoy what we have.
What drives FOMO (which is almost always disguised as decision making hell) is thoughts about what you lack, rather than what you are gaining. We actively search for evidence that we made the wrong decision. If you make plans with friends, you can’t exercise. If you make time for exercise, you lose time with your family. If you spend time with family, you don’t have any time for yourself. It goes on and on and on.
It’s this back and forth and the weighing of the pros and cons in every little scenario in life that makes this a vicious cycle. Whether it’s a big decision like moving to a new home, or something little like what outfit to wear to an event, it’s easy to make an argument for and against just about everything.
I’ve come up with four rules that can ease this suffering. First, ask yourself what advice you would give a friend if they had to make this decision. Taking yourself out of the equation often makes things more clear. Then, just make a decision and align with it. Once the decision is made, it is not an option to change it. Next, no more engaging the thoughts that try and convince you to change your mind. Quiet the voice that questions everything you do or don’t do by noticing the thoughts. Realize you don’t need to entertain them. Finally, when those thoughts come up to try and get you to change your decision (and they will), think about all of the great things about the decision you did make. Otherwise you are just arguing with reality. Instead, be present, and appreciate.
What many people fail to realize is that there is no such thing as a right decision…it’s always just a decision. When we make decisions into bigger deals than they need to be, we are just choosing to torture ourselves. Learning to trust that everything will work out in one way or another, even if it’s not exactly as we hoped, is a true gift.
Instead of fearing what you may miss out on, focus on the exciting potential of your decisions. This feels so much better. If this is something you struggle with, thank the universe the next time a decision that feels difficult comes your way. It’s an opportunity to do things differently this time, and hopefully with each new decision, it becomes easier.
Happy day!!
