Do you spend your days waiting for joy?
Do you think things like, “If my husband just made more money, I would be happy,” or “If my boss would just stop telling me what to do, I would enjoy my job so much more”? Do you regularly tell yourself, “If that guy I like would just call me, I would be happy,” or “If my kid would just do what I told him to do, I would be happy”? Do you hear yourself complaining to friends that “If my mother-in-law would just mind her own business, I would be happy,” and “If my spouse/friend/family member just did X, Y, or Z, I would feel so much better”?
Well here’s what I have to say about all that stuff…STOP RELYING ON OTHERS TO PROVIDE YOU WITH HAPPINESS AND FULFILLMENT, AND DO IT YOURSELF ALREADY!!
Let me share a little something with ya; you are not at the mercy of the world. Your joy is not dependent on others. It never has been, and it never will be. You, and only you are in charge of your emotions.
No one other than you can control how you feel. Blaming others is not just giving your power away, it’s also the easy way out. It’s what we do when we are children, and it’s what many adults continue to do when they don’t mature emotionally. “She did it, he did it, they did it.” No, you did it.
When you blame others, you are choosing to interpret their behaviors in a way that doesn’t feel good. When you look for reasons why you yourself, are not to blame, it is always an excuse to not take accountability for your feelings.
If you feel hurt following another’s actions or words, you can either choose to believe that person is a “bad” friend/spouse/parent/sibling and “made” you feel bad, or you can choose to think their intentions were not to hurt you, they do actually love you, they don’t know better, they must be hurting inside, this is an instance of miscommunication, or maybe that person just isn’t your cup of tea. It’s always your thoughts about other people’s actions that leave you feeling icky.
I am by no means saying that other people can do no wrong, and that I think condoning any and all behaviors is what you should do. I am simply pointing out that you can actually choose how you want to feel in all circumstances. We cannot control others, and everyone has the right to show up in life however they choose. As always, your power is in your mind, and you get to decide how you want to feel despite other people’s actions.
Setting boundaries with people is healthy, and communicating what’s on your mind when you are feeling unhappy is key. Blaming is not. How others react to your boundaries and thoughts, is up to them. How you feel, regardless of the outcomes, is up to you.
This also does not mean you have to be happy about the way your loved ones function on a day to day basis. It just allows you to cope better with the things with which you disagree.
How would you feel if you believed that no one, except you can make you feel anything? I find it liberating to know I don’t have to rely on anyone but myself in order to feel awesome. If you choose to wait for others to do, be, or say certain things in order for you to feel joy, you may be waiting your whole life. People are who they are, and in most cases they are not revolving their lives around what they think you want them to do. My guess is you didn’t wake up this morning thinking, “I wonder how I can make Melanie happy today?”
If you want to feel more joy in your life, and you REALLY mean it, decide today you are done playing the blame game. You are the reason you feel anything and everything. There will still be some occasional, unavoidable pain and suffering because that’s just life, but you get to decide how easily you will get through it. For the most part, you are in control. You get to choose how you think about things, which in turn will shape the way you feel!
Happy day everyone!!!
