Feeling embarrassed or self conscious is something I’ve been pondering for some time now. The more I think about it, the more fascinating it becomes, because I have realized embarrassment only exists in our heads. Think of something that was embarrassing for you. Now think of why you were embarrassed. If no one had been there or knew about the incident, would you still be embarrassed? I would put a lot of money on it, that your answer is no. This is because your embarrassment stems from what you think other people are thinking of you, and goes back to what negative thoughts you have about yourself.
It’s a shame really, that most of us walk around thinking about what others are thinking because most of the time, “they” are not thinking about us at all. Feeling embarrassed or self conscious oftentimes leads to people missing out on what could be wonderful experiences. I could miss out on the enjoyment I get from writing and sharing my blogs because I’m concerned about what you will think if I make grammatical errors. You could miss out on a really yummy meal because you are afraid you might get food stuck in your teeth, and someone might think that’s gross.
Many weight loss clients are afraid to go to the gym, or try a new class at the gym. After digging deeper, it always goes back to thinking something like, “What if I can’t keep up?’ or “I’m going to look like an idiot”, and my response is always, “So what??” It’s actually kind of amusing when you think about the scenarios in our heads…I walk into a class and can’t follow, and everyone in the room is looking at me and thinking how dumb I look. They all stare, and can’t stop thinking about how I shouldn’t be taking this class because I can’t do what the teacher is doing. All fifty people in the class go home and spend the rest of the night thinking about how silly I looked. The reality is everyone in that class is most likely concentrating on keeping up themselves, and they are so busy checking themselves out in the mirror, and obsessing about the tiny roll of fat on their waist, that they couldn’t pick you out of a police line up if they had to! And what if you couldn’t keep up, and someone did happen to notice? I don’t know about you, but anytime that has happened to me, I might smile at the person, not because I’m laughing at them, but because I have compassion, and am proud of them for being there and trying. We are all there for the same reason, and no one is better or worse just because they can or cannot keep up. It is just what you make it to mean in your head. You can choose to think you are weak, a failure, a joke, pathetic, or you can choose to be proud for trying something new, get into it and have fun, and think about how you are getting stronger!
I had to speak in front of about twenty-five people recently, and I got a little tongue-tied. I felt embarrassed almost immediately because I was thinking about what everyone in the room was thinking. I thought about how people may have thought I sounded like I didn’t know what I was talking about or why I have been so successful. I caught myself quickly though, and thought, “so what?” I knew that I knew what I was talking about, and I know why I have been successful, so why did it matter what other people thought? The funny thing is, when it was over, several people told me I did a great job, so what I imagined people to be thinking was not at all the reality. It was just my own insecurities. Maybe some people that day did have negative thoughts about me, but I have no control over that either, so thinking about it and feeling embarrassed didn’t change anything…it just made me feel crappy!
The next time you find yourself feeling embarrassed about something, or you are feeling self conscious, ask yourself “why?” What is the worst possible thing someone could be thinking of you, and if they did think that, why do you care? Is it worth it to you to miss out on having a special moment with your child, playing in the pool, because you are afraid of what people are thinking about the way you look in a bathing suit? Most likely no one is thinking anything, but if they are thinking about you, so what? If they think you look great, so what? If they think you look awful, so what? Maybe they are actually thinking how they wish they were as confident as you!
Embarrassment all goes back to what you think people are thinking of you, and your own insecurities. You have no way of knowing that unless you ask, and you have no control over it, so trying to imagine what people are thinking is a total waste of time. What matters most is your thinking, and you have the ability to feel great in any situation if you choose to have thoughts that make you feel good!
