I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about what makes certain people ‘doers’ in life, and why others seem to generally ‘play it safe.’ What I’ve come to believe is that it all comes down to fear, and how people react to it.
For some, fear is paralyzing. They think of something they’d like to do or try, and thoughts like, “What will people think?” or, “What if I can’t do it or am no good?” literally stop them dead in their tracks. Spending time contemplating the logistics, every little detail of how to get something done, keeps people in a stuck feeling state.
I’ve often heard people I admire, say, “Feel the fear, and do it anyway!” What does that bring up for you? Does it create even more fear, or does it feel exciting to you? I feel excited. It’s like permission to go for something despite the possible outcomes. It’s permission to be awesome at something new, and it’s also permission to suck and be ok with it.
I choose to believe the thought that ‘failure’ at something is just as positive as success in my life. It means I tried something new, and that I’ve learned something. This is one of the reasons why fear is usually a sign for me that I need to keep moving forward. I believe in many cases, the things we fear most are the things we need the most.
So, why is fear the go to emotion for so many people? Do you, like so many others, use fear as fuel to feel bad about yourself? The only way to get past the fear, is first to have compassion for it. The interesting thing about fear is that we really just create it as a defense mechanism. It’s actually just humans trying to protect themselves from feeling disappointed, from thinking they are not good enough. That motive, when you think about it, is actually kind of nice! The result though, is still feeling crappy.
Being afraid of doing something, and then not doing it, pretty much guarantees icky feelings. People will often beat themselves up for being afraid. People also tend to wonder what could have been if they had just gone for it. On the other hand, feeling the fear, and doing it anyway has many potential outcomes, and most of them are awesome ones. If you overcome a fear, that can feel amazing. Also, you may realize the very thing that terrified you, wasn’t actually so scary after all. Finally, while the fear of failure or not being good enough is often present, the possibility of succeeding and being awesome is always just as good of a possibility!
And, so what, if you ‘fail’?? What is the big deal anyway? What are you making it mean? Two summers ago, I put together a workshop at a yoga studio. I wanted to teach people how to bring mindfulness out of the studio and into real life experiences. I thought it was a fabulous idea and so did the owner of the studio. I was completely terrified to put myself out there, but went for it anyway. Can you guess what happened? No one signed up.
I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel a little bummed initially, but I was ultimately fine with the outcome. There was that voice in my head that really thought I should be crushed, but in fact, I was really proud of myself for trying. The old me, ten years ago, probably would have felt shame and embarrassment. I would have thought something was wrong with me, and taken it personally. Instead, I learned I need to better promote myself, reconsider cost, and also rethink what may appeal more to my audience…and that’s really it. I also learned I’ve come a long way in recent years in regards to facing fear, and not making the outcome mean anything about me as a person. My worth is not measured by outside validation, and my goal is not to receive praise. I strive to grow and evolve. I do things for a cause, not for the applause.
The next time you are staring fear in the face, ask yourself what specific thoughts are making you fearful. Is it the possibility things won’t go exactly as you hope, or that you are afraid of what people will think, or are you using it to measure your self worth? Then remind yourself that these thoughts are all just excuses to not get shit done in life. These thoughts aren’t protecting you; they are actually keeping you stuck and holding you back from fulfilling your potential.
Remember, FEAR is just False Evidence Appearing Real. Do you want to live a life full of what ifs, and wonder how things could’ve been different had you put yourself out there a bit more? If not, then feel the fear, and do it anyway…the only thing you have to lose is, the potential of missing out on some amazing opportunities!
Happy day everyone!!
