It is what it is. Most of us have said this at one time or another. Have you ever stopped and taken a moment to really think about what that means? I don’t think I really had until I started writing today. It IS what it IS. That is the reality of everything in our lives whether we want things to change or not. You look the way you look, you married the person you married, you’re single if you’re single, you have the job you have, you don’t have a job if you don’t have a job, your kid acts the way he acts, etc. It’s as simple as that. So why do we continually resist these realities?
Every time you think about how you wish things were different, you are arguing with reality. Every time you argue with reality, you feel crappy because things are as they are. Wishing they were anything but what they are, creates negative energy within us. When we are resistant to the circumstances and people in our lives, the negative feelings we create, just prolong our suffering.
Lately when I change my daughter’s diaper, she often gets really cranky. She wiggles all over the changing table, tries to sit up, sometimes kicks me, and whines like crazy. Each and every time this happens, I think of a quote by Carl Jung, “What you resist, persists.” The more she wiggles and fights it, the longer her suffering lasts. She’s so frustrated because instead of just allowing me to change her, she thrashes around because she wants to get down and play. This is such a clear metaphor for life. As adults, we generally don’t physically thrash around when we feel this way about something, but I often refer to our mental thrashing as an adult temper tantrum.
If every day you go to work thinking about how much you hate your job, you are resisting reality. This is the job you have right now, and unless you are going to pack up your desk and quit today, you might as well accept that this is your job today. Instead, in your head, you are stomping your feet, pulling your hair, and wailing like my one and a half year old! If every day you think about all of the things your spouse should be doing for you, you are arguing with reality (and probably missing all the good stuff about your relationship). This is your spouse right now, and unless you are planning on packing your bags today and leaving, accepting your spouse for whom he or she is, will feel so much better. Instead, you are choosing to (in your head) throw yourself on the floor kicking and screaming…another adult temper tantrum. If every day you wish your body looked any other way than it does today, you are arguing with reality. This is how your body looks today, and there is absolutely nothing you can do to change that immediately (despite the fact that you may pray for a magic pill that will transform you into the model you just saw on the pages of a magazine). If reading this is making you angry because you don’t want to accept this, you guessed it…you are arguing with reality and having an adult temper tantrum.
It actually makes me giggle when I catch myself. Being able to laugh at your behavior will help you surrender to the current circumstances in your life. The other day, I found myself terribly annoyed because I was buying something at the store, and there was a really long line to check out. I noticed the negative shift in my mood, and reminded myself that there is a long line, and unless I want to leave without making my purchase, I would just have to wait. Then I pictured myself stomping my feet and whining, “ I DON’T WANT TO WAAAAAIIIIT!” I literally had to stop myself from laughing out loud because it was so ridiculous!
So the next time you notice you are feeling unhappy because you wish something in your life was different, remind yourself, it is what it is, and try and accept it. The more your push against it, the worse it will feel, and why would you choose to feel icky? As soon as you surrender to the circumstance, the easier it will be to deal with, and you will find yourself with a lot more time to focus on all of the wonderful things in your life!
