My life these days looks a lot different than it did for most of my life. I’m regularly exposed to new situations and new types of people, and often find myself committed to going places that are a bit outside of my comfort zone.
Last weekend I found myself in a place where I had a bit of a tough time relating to the people around me. It’s circumstances like this that used to send my mind into a whirlwind of “not good enough,” but fortunately these days I’m able to just sit back and observe, with very neutral feelings.
Because of the icky feelings that came up for me in the past, I used to have the tendency to label things, “not me,” and say things like, “I’m just not into the energy there.” This really was just my way of avoiding not feeling great about myself. I see clearly now, those were just excuses to keep me from the thoughts that came up and didn’t make me feel so great.
One of the things I strive for these days is to show up as me no matter what. To me, that means being able to go anywhere, and interact with with anyone, and not conform. It’s not that in the past I put on an act, but we are so conditioned from the time we are very young—to behave a certain way and dress a certain way—it’s become second nature for a lot of folks to “try and fit in.”
When I moved from the West Village to the Upper East Side of Manhattan six years ago (and sometimes even now), I often found myself thinking, I don’t belong here, or I’d look around and think, These aren’t my people. This may only be something you New Yorkers can understand, so for the rest of you—moving to a new neighborhood in NYC can feel like moving to a completely different city. Every twenty blocks or so, there’s a totally new vibe. Anyway, when I thought about not fitting in uptown or not being around “my people,” I felt like crap. The reality is though, there are plenty of lovely people I have met since I moved six years ago, and even though I sometimes find myself fantasizing about moving somewhere else, the Upper East Side has become my home.
I love the idea of being able to go anywhere and feel good—to be able to show up somewhere with all of my best friends or go somewhere I’ve never been with no one I know, and just be me. So, last weekend when I found myself listening in on some conversations I just couldn’t relate to, I didn’t jump in and pretend to be something I’m not—and I didn’t judge the other people or myself. I was simply present. Was it the best time I had ever had? No—but it didn’t feel icky either, which it easily could have. The fact that I couldn’t relate, didn’t mean anything to me other than, not everyone clicks with everyone. I didn’t make it mean anyone was better than me or I was better than them, and there was no need for beating myself up for feeling a little different.
I am me, no matter what. I invite you to try that thought out—first, because you are amazing, and also it can truly feel liberating!
That’s it—that’s all I got for ya!
Happy day!
P.S.- I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again—sharing is caring, so if there’s anyone in you life you think could use a little dose of happy, forward away!
