We are taught from a very young age to be nice, treat others as we would like to be treated, and to think about how our words and actions can affect people. Unfortunately there isn’t as much emphasis on how we treat ourselves.
I look fat, ugly, old, tired. I’m not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, successful enough. Sound familiar? These are just a few of the horrible things most people walk around unconsciously saying to themselves every single day.
Would you say these awful things to your children, best friend, or anyone else you love? My guess is no. So why do we think it’s ok to say all of these horrible things to ourselves? Like everything else, loving ourselves as we grow up is a learned behavior. Sadly, not everyone is taught this, and it often goes unnoticed because so much of this personal abuse is in our heads.
I recently overheard a mother mutter under her breath, something negative about her parenting skills. This was the second derogatory thing I heard her openly say about herself in less than a half hour. I felt sad because the reality is, she is doing the best she can, and to her that’s not good enough. Imagine a mother saying to her child, “You suck, and even though you are doing your best, it’s not good enough.” Most wouldn’t dare say such a thing, but in this instance, she was ultimately saying that to herself.
If every time you look in the mirror, you zero in on the wrinkles around your eyes, or the little bit of extra belly fat, it will wear you down. This will not make the wrinkles or belly fat go away. Also, it will never, ever, ever make you feel good, and is certainly not aligned with “being nice.”
Loving ourselves is the fuel that makes us feel good. It allows us to feel good enough to motivate to get things done, to take good care of ourselves and those around us.
During EFT, a therapeutic healing tool, we use the statement, “Even though I _____, I still completely accept myself.” Accepting ourselves as is, is the “nicest” thing we can do for our well being. This is not to be used as an excuse to never better ourselves, but as a way of fueling with the love we need in order to make positive changes.
When you catch yourself saying you aren’t good enough, try replacing it with, “I’m doing the best I can right now.” This is the truth because if you could do any “better, “ you would. You can still have the desire to be better, but it should come from a loving place, and not from a place of disdain. When you hear that voice in your head saying something mean about your appearance, try and find something you like about yourself, and focus on that. If you can’t do anything to change the physical attribute you don’t like, then hating it on a daily basis will do nothing but make you feel crappy.
If you notice your thoughts about yourself aren’t so kind, don’t use that as another reason to beat yourself up. Just notice with love, and know you don’t have to believe the thoughts. Love yourself like you would love a child who was being hard on herself. What would you say to her? My guess is you wouldn’t tell her how awful she looks, or how dumb she is. We are all perfectly imperfect, and loving yourself no matter what is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself. Be nice to you too!!
Happy day!
