I recently read a quote by Eckhart Tolle that said, “When you realize it’s not personal, there is no longer a compulsion to react as if it were.” It struck me more than usual because I had just had a conversation with a friend earlier that day about how she takes most things personally. At times, this causes her a great deal of pain.
So many individuals spend their days taking just about everything personally without much thought. What’s interesting though, is that other people’s behaviors tell us about them, not us. This means, that unless you regularly come across people who intentionally want to harm you (and even then it’s about them, not you), the stuff you take personally, really has nothing to do with you at all.
Now, this could be confusing to you because in the past you may have heard me say, “It’s all your fault,” or “You’ve got no one to blame but yourself.” While you aren’t to blame for others’ behaviors, I stand by those statements when it comes to taking things personally. It’s really never about what someone else did or said; it’s about your reaction to those things.
Imagine a world where when someone cuts you off while driving, you had no road rage. Envision yourself not getting angry or hurt every time your partner didn’t do exactly what you had hoped for in your head. Picture still feeling calm even when a friend doesn’t behave exactly how you think they “should.” Can you visualize what life would be like if these things had nothing to do with you? I feel super calm when I think about this, and just knowing, “It’s not personal,” brings me tremendous ease.
Are you the type of person who spends your life thinking the world is out to get you? When people don’t live up to your standards, do you make it mean they don’t care about you enough? If so, you will continue to feel crappy every time things don’t go your way.
I hate to break it to you, but people don’t revolve their actions around you. Maybe you think you’d like it if they would, but most people are too consumed with trying to take care of themselves to spend all that time thinking about you. Plus, even when others do their best to be thoughtful, many folks still find themselves unsatisfied because of their inflexible expectations.
Chances are if you were disappointed by someone else’s actions or inactions, he or she wasn’t plotting behind the scenes to figure out how to upset you. Seems kinda silly when you think about it that way, doesn’t it? You’re disappointed simply because you’re choosing to believe that person did you wrong somehow. Is it possible, he was considering you, but you think differently, and he couldn’t read your mind? Is it possible that person was distracted by other things going on in her life? Is it possible, he was just having a bad day? The possibilities are endless, and my guess is trying to hurt you is almost never the intention.
The only way we can stop reacting as if everything is about us, is to understand that it’s not. Maybe just maybe, whatever you’re feeling upset about has nothing to do with you at all. It’s as simple as that. The more we work on accepting this, the better we feel. The better we feel, the more open we become to accepting all circumstances with much less anger, frustration and hurt in our lives. Sounds pretty good to me!
That’s it; that’s all I got for ya!
Happy day!!
P.S.-Remember sharing is caring, so if you like what you read, forward on!!
