One day during my training, we were practicing coaching one another. I was being coached by another student, and I don’t remember what my issue was at the time, but my teacher asked me why I thought I was able to be so open and allow myself to be so vulnerable in front of the class. My response was, that was one of the things that would make me an awesome coach. If I can’t open up and talk about the very things that most people are ashamed to talk about, how can I expect people to open up to me? And really, what’s there to be ashamed of anyway?
I’m a big believer in doing my best to practice what I preach, so here in this blog, I am going to first, be vulnerable and share something I struggled with for a long time, and then celebrate my success in overcoming this struggle. In sharing my story, my hope is that you will see how sharing and being vulnerable is an awesome thing, and we really have no need to be afraid. So what if someone thinks something negative about me? I think if I can help even just one person feel better, I’ve done what I have set out to do. I believe we are here to support one another and could learn so much if people took off their masks for a minute and just got real.
For years I had anxiety driving long distances. Put me behind the wheel in NYC, and I drive like a maniac cabbie, but put me on an expressway, and I am (or was) that annoying person driving 40 MPH in the righthand lane that everyone is trying to pass. I’d have two hands gripping the steering wheel for dear life, and in a perfect world I would never have to switch lanes. This started about nine years ago, and as of two weeks ago it disappeared, poof, like magic. Well, I guess it wasn’t just like magic because I have done a hell of a lot of work on this over the years, but it feels like magic to me because this was something I thought I would just have to live with for the rest of my life.
It affected me so much, that I actually avoided having to drive anywhere on an expressway or longer than a half hour away if possible. It was always worse when other people were in the car because of my fear of someone seeing how crazy I was (I felt). I avoided having others in the car with me so I wouldn’t feel embarrassed that I needed to take a break and pull off the road or blast the AC in my face to help calm me down. I hated this part of me. I judged her and wished I could just drive like a “normal” person from point A to point B. I was angry at myself and felt hopeless about this at times.
It wasn’t until I accepted it as a part of me, and loved me anyway, until I reminded myself that all humans struggle with one thing or another, until I started focusing on all the positive changes I have made in myself over the years, until I recognized how far I’ve come, and that there had been many occasions in my life where I did drive from point A to point B with no issues at all, that I began to change. I cut myself some slack, and stopped resisting my anxiety so much. Afterall, my sister did die in a car accident when I was 17 years old, so it isn’t actually THAT crazy that I would be anxious in a car.
I (just like many of you reading this), think I should always have my shit together. I think that because I’m a life coach and have studied so much, and have done so much work on myself over the years, that I should have it all figured out, and my life should just be easy breezy, but guess what? Life doesn’t work that way.
As soon as I started loving the anxious driver aspect of me (because it was a part of me, and I should love all of me unconditionally), I noticed driving from point A to point B became easier, and I even did it a couple of weeks ago with someone else in the car, yay me! It did take nine years, and it is quite possible the anxiety could return, but today I am proud of me.
As a life coach, it never ceases to amaze me that all humans basically have the same issues, but we walk around thinking that we are alone. They may manifest in slightly different ways in each individual, but it’s all ultimately the same. You have nothing to be ashamed of, and in fact sometimes just talking about things you struggle with can be extremely therapeutic. Hiding and pretending, and ignoring will just make things worse. So I invite you, be vulnerable, be honest, be real, and you might be surprised to discover we are all here together on this journey we call life.
Sending lots of love to all of you!!
