My clients and readers often ask if it’s really possible to be happy all the time. I can’t answer that with complete certainty, because if it is possible, I haven’t quite mastered it yet. What I can tell you though, is that a lot of people suffer unnecessarily.
While I do believe changing your thoughts, changes the way you feel, I also believe it’s extremely important to feel your feelings. If you don’t, they will linger in a state of denial and then show up in other, bigger ways that can manifest as things like anxiety, depression, jealousy, emotional eating, drinking in excess, mistrust, and explosive meltdowns that don’t actually have anything to do with the real issue.
For those of you who imagine me to be happy go-lucky all the time without a care in the world, surprise, I’m not! I am human. I sometimes have negative thoughts. I sometimes have road rage. I get cranky when I’m hungry. I sometimes want to yell at my three year old. I sometimes want to curl up on the couch with a pint of ice cream and not talk to anyone. And, guess what? I’m ok with all of it.
I am not perfect, and like all of you out there, I’m a work in progress. When I write, it’s usually because I’m working on whatever I’m writing about-because I had an ‘aha’ moment myself. I strive to practice what I preach, to live it to give it. In fact, I started writing this post because I was cranky, and I was contemplating why I was feeling cranky, and how I could “fix” it.
I had a weird week. I felt irritable for no logical reason. It was more of a feeling I had in my body, and I had difficulty shaking it. During this time, a friend was experiencing some sadness in her life, and the advice I offered was to just feel it, to let it out. I decided to take my own advice, and do the same.
Once I gave myself permission to feel my crankiness, without trying to fix it or completely understand it, it immediately provided some relief. When you don’t resist your feelings, it alleviates additional suffering. Just allowing your feelings to flow, knowing this too shall pass, will open you to truly moving forward. The alternative is resisting those feelings, and saving them for a bigger negative emotional experience at a later date.
I spend a lot of time working on my thoughts, and I help my clients learn to manage their minds. While this in many cases, is quite effective in altering one’s negative moods, it doesn’t mean we should walk around fighting ourselves when we aren’t feeling our best. Allowing our feelings to come and go is crucial.
In addition to giving yourself permission to feel during these times, give yourself a little extra TLC. Writing is therapeutic for me, so I did that, and it helped me sort out my feelings. Talk to a loved one, exercise, take a bath, cry it out, watch a funny movie, meditate, or do whatever feels good to you in the moment.
No feeling lasts forever, and I often say, the only way to get past a feeling is to go through it. Give yourself the love and care you need when you are feeling icky. There is no good reason why you should be hard on yourself when your mood isn’t so great. It will only guarantee feeling worse. Being open to feeling (as long as you don’t actively stay in the negative place due to unnecessary torturous thoughts), is one of the best gifts you can give yourself. While it may be temporarily uncomfortable, you will survive. In fact, it will actually help you thrive.
Now, go on and feel your feelings!
Happy day everyone!
