Today, September 11, 2013, marks the 19th anniversary of my big sister Cecily’s passing. She has now been gone for as long as she was here on this earth. Each year, as this day approaches, I think I’m fine, and that maybe this year it won’t be as painful, but somehow the sadness seems to sneak up on me, and fast. Many thoughts run through my head, and many questions go unanswered. As a life coach and someone who is fascinated with life, and life lessons, I spent some time today reflecting on the person I have become in the past 19 years, and some of the things I have learned from my experience having Cecily in my life, and then losing her.
WE ARE ALL HUMANS, AND UNDERNEATH IT ALL, WE ARE THE SAME
My sister was bullied as a child. Being that I was young and unaccepting, and like most middle and high school kids, I just cared about being “cool”. I distanced myself from her. I feel sad about this often, but I don’t blame myself for not standing up for her more because I was just a child. What I realize now is that just because we seemed different, that wasn’t the case at all. We all have struggles. We all have feelings. We all just want to be loved for who we are. We are all just doing the best we can. This knowledge is invaluable to me. I am now able to see all people as equals, and I have an abundance of love and compassion for those I love, as well as people I don’t even know. We are all one. No one is any better than anyone else here. Supporting one another feels so much better than disapproving or disliking others.
BE WHO YOU ARE NO MATTER WHAT
Despite Cecily’s struggles, I always admired her strength and ability to have fun and just be herself. I could always tell she had fun with her friends, and she wasn’t afraid of showing people her true self even when other people didn’t have nice things to say. She wore what she liked, she did her hair how she liked it, and she said what was on her mind. It wasn’t until much later in life that I became comfortable in who I was and became capable of not worrying about what other people think. Even today as an adult I can occasionally struggle with this, so for a teenager to be so self assured was pretty remarkable.
DON’T TAKE LIFE SO SERIOUSLY, AND JUST HAVE SOME FUN
Growing up, I was so consumed with just wanting to fit in that I really think at times I missed out on just having fun. Even as an adult, I can find myself getting caught up in life and all that needs to get done each day, and sometimes forget to just enjoy. Life doesn’t have to be so serious! Cecily knew how to have fun. She was always making friends when we went on family vacations, was often silly and always tried to make me laugh. The people who loved her, loved spending time with her because she enjoyed life to the fullest.
LIFE CAN BE SHORT, SO LOVE THE ONES YOU LOVE
Never in a million years would I have ever imagined that Cecily wouldn’t have met my college friends, wouldn’t have been at my wedding or gotten to know my husband, wouldn’t have met my baby, wouldn’t have known the person that I am today. Think about why you are holding that grudge, holding on to anger, or getting consumed by petty misunderstandings. In the whole grand scheme of life, do these things really matter?? I can tell you from experience, they don’t, and missing the opportunity to just love and be loved by my big sister no matter what, still breaks my heart 19 years later.
Life most often doesn’t go the way we expect. You can spend every minute of every day worrying and trying to plan things out, but the truth is there is a whole lot that we cannot control. What you can control is how you decide to show up in life, and that is a true gift. You can choose to spend your days full of regrets, shame, jealousy, self doubt and anger, or you can choose to learn, love, approve, and appreciate. It’s up to you. Today is a gift; savor it.
Much love to you all! xo
