Just because you’ve always been a certain way, doesn’t mean you always have to be that way. Stop for a moment, and think about that.
In my twenties I became depressed. I just wasn’t content in life, and wasn’t so clear as to why. This was the beginning of my self discovery journey, and after years of really working on myself, the summer of 2008 was a serious turning point in my life.
I vividly remember having a moment where I realized, I am not my depression, and I don’t have to be this way forever. Then it dawned on me, if I’m not depressed, then who am I? I had spent years identifying with the depressed Melanie, blamed things in my life on my depression, and I didn’t know who I would be without it. I had a firm grip on it because there was a weird part of me that was afraid to let go because then who would I be? I really had to think about it. Luckily I had this ah ha moment because without it, I’m not sure I would have flourished into the person I am today.
Is there a part of you that you say you’re ready to let go of, but struggle because you are so identified with it? I often hear clients say things like, “I want to exercise more, but I’m just lazy”, “I want to do more, but I’m just not organized”, “I want to eat healthier, but I’m just not motivated“ or, “I just can’t make decisions.” These are bold statements because whether you realize it or not, when you say things like this, you are just reaffirming your beliefs about yourself. You are keeping yourself stuck by labeling yourself, and it’s almost impossible to make positive changes from this state.
Labeling ourselves is actually a form of self defense and feels safe. There are two possible outcomes when we label. If we keep ourselves stuck, then we won’t actually have to try and change and can’t possibly “fail.” Or, if we do try, and don’t live up to our own expectations, we can blame it on our label-i.e. ”It’s because I’m a procrastinator,” or “It’s because I’m addicted to food.” The reality of these scenarios though, is not feeling so great, and not changing, even when we think and say we want to. This way, we don’t have to be accountable…it’s not my fault, it’s my laziness/lack of motivation/indecisiveness/food addiction.
Who would you be if you discovered you loved to exercise? Who would you be if you were more productive? Who would you be if you took better care of yourself? Who would you be if you weren’t so indecisive? It’s an interesting thing to ponder. If you can find the excitement in it, there are endless possibilities!
You can be less serious, more fun, calmer, a “normal” eater, a go getter, a doer, an athlete, in shape, creative, decisive, energetic, and the list goes on and on! You can be whoever you want to be!
Let go of your labels, and think about who you want to be, starting today. Every day you have the choice to continue being who you were yesterday, or you can decide to identify with a new way of being. Like just about everything in life, it’s up to you to decide. It can feel scary, but you can choose to feel excited by thinking of all the possibilities of a new and improved version of you!
Happy day!
