The other day, a dear friend of mine was telling me all about some challenges she has been facing in her life recently. Like just about everyone (at some time or another), life seemed to be throwing a lot of muck her way, and she had been feeling depleted at times. As we spoke, she referenced a moment when she thought she was a bad person because of the way she reacted to something. My response? “You’re not a bad person. You’re just a person.”
Life isn’t always easy, but when we beat ourselves up on top of what we are already facing, it only makes matters worse. During those times when when we are struggling, meeting ourselves with kindness and compassion is a much nicer way to be.
Imagine saying the mean things you say to yourself to a loved one. You probably wouldn’t, would you? Would you tell your child she was a bad person? Would you tell your dad his best isn’t good enough? Would you tell your friend she wasn’t pretty and has a disgusting body? Would you tell your mom she looks old, and her wrinkles make her look ugly? Would you tell your sister she’s dumb? Catch my drift?
So often, I have clients ask me, “Is it normal to feel/act/think/be this way?” My answer is just about always, yes. The funny thing about people, is that most of us are essentially the same. Our issues may look a little different on the outside, but most folks are struggling with the same(ish) stuff on the inside.
The majority of people don’t walk around sharing their “stuff” though, and because of this, many feel alone. It’s a shame really, because when we open up and share the truth about our struggles, we see we’re all a lot more alike than we realized.
Some of the most inspiring people I have come across over the years, have been the ones who allow themselves to be vulnerable and share their stories. The reason being, because I could almost always relate in some way or another. This is a huge part of why I try and share myself with you. My hope is that you take away a little something that brings you comfort in knowing no one is perfect, and you are not alone.
In this world of social media, where people’s lives appear nearly perfect on our smartphones, it’s easy find ourselves wondering if our own lives measure up–if we measure up. Making judgments about ourselves based on what we think other people’s lives look like, is pointless. You don’t know how other people think and in turn, feel. All of those people probably think and feel very similarly to you at times.
When you notice behaviors you’d like to change, labeling ourselves as bad, or not good enough, will just make it more difficult. Instead, try giving yourself permission to be ok with yourself no matter what. This doesn’t mean you get a free pass to excuse any and all negative behaviors, it just gives you the opportunity to become more aware without the harsh judgements. That will give you the room to think about how you maybe could’ve handled things differently, so you can learn and grow for the next obstacle that comes your way.
If you snap at a loved one, you are not a bad person. If you lose your patience with your kids, you’re not a bad person. If you forgot to return a text or call, you are not a bad person. If you you’re not perfect, you are not a bad person. You are just person who is doing the best you can in this moment.
That’s it; that’s all I got for ya!
Happy day!!
