Many people hold back from doing the things they want to do in life because they are afraid of what “everybody” or “people” will think. My teacher, Martha Beck, taught me that your everybody is almost always only a few people. It’s crazy to think how much power we give to others!
For 13 years now, I have been a self-help junkie. I have made it my mission to understand myself as much as I can, and I am completely fascinated by human thought and behavioral patterns. This is who I am. I take joy in taking accountability of my actions, and love the fact that I am in charge of how I want to feel. I am proud of all the things I have overcome, and of the person I am today. So why is it that I sometimes still get caught up in what “everybody” will think?!
I’ve officially been a life coach for almost two years now, but really have been one my whole life. It’s not something I advertised, because outside of my close group of friends and loved ones, I worried what “everybody” would think. Just last week, before my site went live, I found myself looking for reasons to wait to broadcast it to everyone I know. What would “everybody” think? What I didn’t anticipate was that this, like everything else in life was a learning experience. As I composed my email to everyone in my contacts list, my heart raced, my hands shook and tingled, I felt completely nauseous and had tears in my eyes. I observed those feelings, and thought about why my body was going into full blown panic mode. The idea of being me no matter what, was terrifying. What kind of response will I get? And then I thought, why do I care so much? What was I making other people’s opinions of me mean? If “everybody” (and I really only had a few people in my mind) thought my site and the things I am passionate about are silly, who cares?! Why was I giving certain people’s opinion so much power?
What I really understand now is that there will always be people out there who don’t understand who you are and what you stand for, but the only opinion that really matters is your own. I have a saying I tell my clients…I tell them, “you’re not so special”. Now obviously I am being sarcastic because of course, you’re all special, but what I mean is that people don’t think about you as much as you think they do. Take a moment to think about how much time you spend thinking about others. People are too busy thinking about themselves. It’s all just in our heads, which is funny because most of us really believe everyone is thinking about us…like, I’m sure you have been thinking about me all day, and what I’m doing, and whether or not you approve…it’s actually pretty ridiculous!
There will always be people who want to see you fail, or have negative opinions about how you choose to live your life, and so what?! It’s not their thoughts that actually hurt you because if you never knew their thoughts it wouldn’t make a difference in your life. It’s YOUR thoughts about their thoughts (or what you think they think) that cause your suffering. Ultimately the only opinion of you that matters is yours!
I hit send, and there was no turning back. The outpouring of love, excitement, and genuine happiness for me from so many people has been incredible. At this point, I can’t believe how nervous I was. The funny thing is, the people who were my “everybody” in this situation, I never heard from, but then again, I didn’t expect to, and so what?! I don’t need “everybody’s” approval to feel good…I feel good because I am not afraid to be me, and to show the world who I am, and what I am passionate about, and this is totally liberating!
